Walhart goes to Walmart
by KawaiiOtakuChick
Summary: What happens when an FE:13 character has a name very similar to an infamous retail store? A fanfic is created of course! Walmart has everything that any Shepherd or a former emperor of Valm needs! Story mainly focused on Walhart but other characters will join in later! By the way, Walhart is very OOC!
1. Depressed Conqueror

**Hey peeps! There sort of might be some spoilers for Fire Emblem: Awakening if you haven't beaten Ch.19 or Paralogue 19. Other than that enjoy the story!**

**FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING**

It was a warm sunny day in the country of Valm. Typically on a day like today, Walhart would be out conquering other villages and forcing the villagers to work under him while reigning as the emperor of Valm with an iron fist. However, that all changed when the Shepherds showed up and defeated him and his army with the miniscule amount of people they had. Now Walhart spends his time wandering around aimlessly wondering what he should do with his life now that the road to conquest is over. He is currently sitting under a big, shady tree near a river watching the fluffy white clouds pass by with his horse.

"What is a former conqueror to do now?", Walhart asked his trusty stead, who shall be named Halwart, that was lying down next to him. Halwart simply whinnied in response. Walhart sighed.

"Look at me!" he said. "I must've gotten pretty pathetic if I'm here talking to you Halwart!" Halwart simply whinnied in response. However, Walhart unperturbed by his horse's nonchalant "responses", continued to question Halwart.

"You don't think I'm pathetic do you Halwart? Do you think I'm still omnipotent and powerful?", questioned Walhart. Halwart simply turned his head, seemingly ignoring his master. Enraged, Walhart stood up and picked up his big red axe, WolfBerg, and pointed it at his horse.

"Answer me!", yelled the red armor clad man. As if to purposely ignore and agitate his owner, Halwart decided to rollover on his side with his back towards Walhart (A/N: Yea I know. I've never seen a horse do this before either. Just go with it). Needless to say, Walhart became enraged.

"Stand up and fight!", yelled the ex-conqueror. Slowly, either because he was being obedient or wanted his master to be quiet, Halwart got up.

"Now", asked Walhart, "Do you still think that I'm the most intrepid man alive or a mere weakling?" Again, Halwart ignored him and Walhart's temper skyrocketed. WolfBerg went flying out his hand and towards Halwart. Unfortunately, Halwart being the peculiar horse he was, chose that exact moment to fall over and sleep on his side, allowing WolfBerg to glide over his head and land on the other side of the river, where it was then taken by a wyvern never to be seen again.

"*Sigh* I am nothing but a weak, former shell of my old self..." mumbled Walhart to himself. Halwart sleep-whinnied in response.

**FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING**

While Walhart was saying disparaging things to himself, one of the merchant Annas was walking along the riverside when she spotted the former ex-conqueror. Terrified, she automatically hid herself behind the nearest tree.

"Was that really Walhart I just saw? Wasn't he defeated by Chrom and the Shepherds?", Anna asked quietly to herself. She slowly peeked around the trunk of the tree to confirm that she did indeed saw the ex-conqueror Walhart...who was also crying beside his oddly positioned sleeping horse. _Hmmm...well that's something you certainly don't see every day,_ thought Anna as she watched the weeping Walhart. _I guess times are hard for him since he doesn't have his huge army or huge ego anymore. Seeing him cry like that shockingly makes me feel sorry for him. _

Suddenly Anna had an idea. "I'm a good person aren't I? I think I'll help him! But not before I take some pictures of him first!" Anna took out her snapshot tome and snapped several shots of Walhart crying pathetically next to his sleeping horse. "These will sell out like hotcakes! Cha ching!", Anna said happily to herself and headed over to where Walhart and Halwart were.

**FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING**

As he heard someone approaching, Walhart instantly willed himself to stop his incessant sobbing. Looking up, he saw Anna walking over to him waving with one hand and carrying her green bag of slightly discounted goods with the other. Walhart quickly stood up and tried to look as intimidating as he possibly could.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU DIMINUTIVE FEMALE?", bellowed Walhart as he fiercely as he could. Anna, having already seen the red armor clad man in such a shameful state that even Grima would pity, calmly ignored his charade and placed her bag down.

"Look I already saw you crying like a baby a little while ago, so don't even try to act like a big tough guy" said Anna smirking. Depressed, Walhart instantly sat down as tears began to form in his eyes and his lips quivering. Sighing, Anna took a seat beside him.

"What's your problem? You can tell me. But I'm gonna have to charge you!" said the red haired merchant with bullion in her eyes. Relaxing a bit, Walhart started.

"Well, I'm depressed bec-"

"One thousand gold please!"

Grumbling, Walhart took out a small bullion from his large red armor and handed it to the red haired merchant.

"Now then as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, I'm depressed because I'm not what I used to be. I lost my home, my power, my army, my power, my pride, my power-"

"You mentioned power three times."

"That's because power is everything! I used to be a charismatic person, but now I'm nothing but a worthless weakling! I simply wanted to bring about peace by uniting everyone under one nation! Not only that but I lost WolfBerg, the axe that my mom gave to me at my sweet16 birthday party! Now that I think about it, what kind of mom gives a 16 year old an - HEY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

Startled, Anna dropped the gold she was counting.

"What? Am I whistling? I'm not whistling!" said Anna as she placed her gold back in her green bag. Walhart simply glared at the shifty merchant.

"Ok sure I wasn't paying attention too closely a while ago, but I did hear the last bit! Because seriously what kind of mom get her son an axe for his sweet 16?" Walhart shrugged. "Well anyway, I can't help you get back all the other stuff you lost. Chrom certainly wouldn't be too happy about that!" said Anna. Walhart glared at the mention of the Ylissean Exalt's name. Anna cringed. "Er, but I can help you find one of those Wolf burger axe thingies that your mom gave you!"

"You can?!" asked Walhart incredulously.

"Yup! All you have to do is go to a store called Walmart! They have everything there!"

"What? Walhart? There's a store named after me? One of my former soldiers must have given the place its name while thinking of my valor and grandiose power!" yelled the ex-conqueror. Anna sighed.

"I said Walmart. W-A-L-M-A-R-T. Not Walhart, you ninny!"

Walhart blushed. "Oh I see...so where is this so called Walmart?" asked Walhart.

"Well unfortunately, there's no Walmart anywhere in Ylisse. However, I just so happened to have a sister who would be more than happy to send you to a realm with a Walmart-"

"Huzzah!"

"- at a small fee of 20,000 gold!" finished Anna happily. Walhart stared at the merchant.

"You know if I had the ruthlessness that both you and your sisters have as saleswomen, I probably would've conquered the whole world by now", the ex-conqueror said dryly.

"Awwwww stop it! You're making me blush!" said Anna obviously not bothered by his comment.

"...Whatever. Anyway I shall go to this Walmart and buy a brand new WolfBerg! I will bring back some sort of honor to my name because I am Walhart the conqueror!" Fireworks went off in the background.

"Yeah! That's the red armor wearing, white haired, horned, old conquerer we all know and love!...Sort of...I think."

"...Just take me to the Gate."

"Will do, Walhart!"

**FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING FIREEMBLEMAWAKENING**

**Here's the end of the first chapter of my first fanfic! *Performs the worm*. I don't really care about Walhart but I decided to make this story because the first time I saw his name I thought it said Walmart lol. So obviously at the moment, Walhart hasn't entered Walmart yet, but he will in the next chapter! Also, other characters will be appearing too! If I made any grammatical errors please feel free to point them out to me and I will correct them. Sometimes I don't notice them when I proofread my own work. Flames and suggestions are most definitely welcome! I can take the criticism! I'm gonna be writing the next chapter to this story soon hopefully so please look out for it! R&R please! Bye Humans! **


	2. Journey to Walmart

**Walhart goes to Walmart ch.2**

Walhart, Anna, and Halwart were all on their way to the Outer Realm gate that will take them to the infamous Walmart. The trio were walking along the road in silence…..or at least Walhart was walking and seething with rage while Anna was riding on the back of Halwart and conversing with the horse.

"So after that poor old lady dropped her cane, I kindly picked it up and sold it back to her for only 2,000 gold! That was one of the kindest things I've ever done in my life!" Anna exclaimed. Halwart whinnied in approval. "What do you think, Walhart?" asked Anna.

"…."

"*Sigh* Still ignoring me, eh? Must you be a crusty, mean, old man, Walhart? I still don't understand how you were able to gather thousands of people and get them to follow you. Heck, if anything I think that I would make a better conqueror than you!"

"Nobody would ever want to follow a shady, horse stealing merchant like you! Besides, no one can resist a tall, dark, and handsome man in sexy red armor!" Anna and Halwart stared at Walhart.

"Yeah right, old man. The only ones who wouldn't be able to resist you are the ram goats that mistake you for their red horned, white haired goat god", muttered Anna.

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Also, don't get angry at me because your horse bucked you off when you tried to mount it and let me on instead. Just be happy your horse has a strong sense of chivalry and has good taste in women!" Anna said happily.

"….how much longer till we reach the Outer Realm gate?" asked Walhart, exasperated by his irritating companions.

"Actually, it's right there!" The red haired merchant exclaimed. Up ahead, the trio saw a young woman who looked like a clone of Anna. Walhart immediately took notice of this.

"You didn't mention that you and your sister were twins", said Walhart.

"Well we're not necessarily twins per se because we have several other sisters who look just like us!"

"Such a pity that they all have to share the same face as you", muttered the ex-conqueror.

"Did you say something?"

"No. Nothing at all."

* * *

Finally, they reached the Outer Realm gate where Anna's sister was standing. Anna hopped off Halwart and hugged her sister.

"Anna, I haven't seen you in so long! How's the nomadic merchant life going?"

"Oh it's wonderful! I've been making so many sales recently! And I have a feeling that I'm gonna make so much more money in the future!" said Anna as she looked at Walhart and her photos with a mischievous look on her face. "Anyway, let me introduce you to my companions! Sis, meet Walhart and his horse, Halwart!"

"Hello! I'm Anna! Thank you for taking care of my sister!" said Anna's sister.

"Wait, you're both named Anna…?" asked Walhart disbelievingly.

"Thaaaaat's right!", both Annas replied happily.

"So what are your other sisters named?"

"Anna!" both sisters replied in unison.

"You ALL look alike and you're ALL named Anna?!" Walhart asked incredulously.

"Yup and yup! Just think of us as the Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys of Ylisse!" said Outer Realm Anna.

"…..Either you're mother loves the name Anna or she has absolutely no sense of creativity whatsoever" Walhart said dryly. "Besides how were you and your sisters able to tell each other apart when you were growing up?"

"It's a long story. All I will say is that the problem was solved with a brave sword, some rope, and a Pegasus" said the merchant Anna (**A/N: I'll let your imagination run wild with that scenario**).

"…."

"Ahem, anyway what can I do for you all?" asked Outer Realm Anna.

"We would like to be sent to the realm where Walmart is located please!" said the red haired merchant.

"Okie dokie! Just step right on the portal behind me!"

Anna and Halwart both stepped onto the center of the gate. As Walhart prepared to step onto the portal, the gatekeeper Anna stopped him. "Hey! You need to pay up!"

"But you didn't make them pay!" the ex-conqueror said angrily.

"Well, you certainly can't expect me to charge my sister and a horse! Besides when have you ever seen a horse carry money?" At those words, Halwart tucked the gold he owned tightly under his horseshoe.

"Fine! Here's your 20,000 gold you want so badly!" Walhart said as he slammed the money into Anna's hand.

"….."

"Just send me to the stupid Walmart realm!"

Anna leaned over to Anna. "20,000? That's 2.5 times more than I usually charge!" whispered Anna (A/N: For those of you who are bad at math, the real price is 8,000).

Merchant Anna smirked. "Just send me some of the gold later!"

"WolfBerg isn't gonna buy itself!"

* * *

When everyone was properly stationed on the panel, gate Anna started the countdown. "10, 9, 8, -"

"Just turn the gate on already!"

"Alright, fine grumpy" mumbled gate keeper Anna.

The trio were immediately transferred to the Walmart realm through a strange space swirling with hues of purples and blues. When they reached their destination, they were dropped from the sky into the parking lot. Miraculously, Halwart landed on his legs like a cat and Anna landed on his back. Walhart, however, landed on the most inconveniently unprotected place he could: his head.

"OWW! Why does stuff like this seem to be happening to me recently?"

"Suck it up, you baby! You're so pathetic! Right, Halwart?" yelled Anna. Halwart whinnied in agreement.

Getting up, Walhart took a look at his surroundings. He took in the black pavement on the ground as well as the giant, tan building with a bright sign that said "WALMART" in blue and red letters. The only thing that seemed normal to Walhart was the sky.

"What kind of realm were we sent to….? Are you sure we're in the right place?" asked Walhart deeply confused. Anna hopped of Halwart.

"We're at the correct realm alright! It's really futuristic! Well minus all the terror, chaos, and peril….Let's go!"

The trio walked over to the entrance, when Anna suddenly remembered something.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that animals aren't allowed inside. Sorry Halwart, but I'm gonna have to tie you up over here….." Anna said sadly as she tied her newest friend to a pole near the entrance.

"Suck it up, you baby! You're so pathetic! Right, Halwart?" mocked Walhart. As if he were a donkey, Halwart kicked him in response.

Walhart grumbled in anger.

"Guess you like me better than your own master, huh?" said Anna said happily. Halwart whinnied in agreement.

"Stupid horse….."

Well there's no use arguing out here! Let's go!" yelled Anna. Walhart and Anna took their first steps toward the entrances of the retail store, Walmart.

* * *

**The second chapter is finally finished! WOOOOT! So yea, I sort of lied, but I most definitely promise that other characters shall be introduced in the next chapter which I have already started working on! So look out for that within the next week or so. Please review! Bye humans!**


	3. Greeters and Customer Service

**Walhart goes to Walmart ch.3**

Anna and Walhart took their first steps through the sliding doors that let them into Walmart. As soon as they entered the store they were greeted by the two greeters standing at the door…..or at least they would have been greeted if the greeters weren't Severa and Gerome. Walhart was shocked to see the two teenagers standing by the door in their blue Walmart shirts and their black pants. But of course, Gerome still had his mask on. Walhart, finding the sight of the two teenagers in their working gear humorous, started to laugh a little.

"Wipe that smile off!" Severa commanded sharply. Walhart immediately regained his composure.

"You mean to tell me that you lower life forms work here?" Walhart asked.

"Well yeah, a bunch of people from the Shepherds work here in order to help raise money for Ylisse after all the chaos that occurred when Grima was still alive." Severa explained. "And who are you calling a lower life form, Mr. Former-conqueror-who-now-spends-his-time-crying-un der-a-tree-feeling-sorry-for-himself?"

"Who told you that?!" Walhart asked, shocked that others may have found out about his pathetic nature.

"Well no one, but if the shoe fits…." The mercenary said jokingly.

"I'm not wearing shoes! I have armor on!" Walhart responded, oblivious to the insult.

"Are you daft?!"

* * *

As Walhart and Severa were conversing with each other, Anna was trying to do the same with Gerome. And she was trying very, VERY hard.

"So how's it going, Gerome?"

"..."

"Er, do you enjoy working at Walmart?"

"…..."

"You don't want to talk with me do you?" Anna asked sheepishly.

"No."

Anna perked up at the fact that she was able to get some sort of response from the masked young man. She took the opportunity to try and sell something.

"So Gerome, how come you're always wearing the same mask? Doesn't it get boring wearing it all the time?"

"Hmph. Whether or not I wear this mask is of no concern to you. I will wear it as much as I please."

"Haha! Well of course, you're right! Buuuuut, I think that some other masks would look nice on you and I conveniently have some masks in this little green bag of mine that you can try on!" Anna said as she looked through her bag of slightly discounted goods.

"I have no use for your overpriced junk. My mask is perfectly suitable and does not need to change. Besides, it makes me look like my favorite idol." Gerome showed Anna a picture of Batman.

"Ooookay" said Anna disturbed, as she prepared to close her bag and put it on her back, "Well just in case you change your mind, I—"

*Ker-rip!*

Just then, Anna's bag ripped and a bunch of slightly discounted goods fell out. It caught everyone's attention. Anna was deeply upset.

"Oh my Naga! This bag was sooo expensive!" Anna started to cry.

"How much did you pay for it?" questioned Severa.

"Twelve pieces of gold! Waaaaah!" Everyone face palmed.

"Well of course the bag is gonna break! Did you seriously think that a cheap bag like that wasn't gonna rip? Gawds!" the mercenary yelled.

"It's not right! Now I have to pay money for a new bag! Waaaah!"

Walhart started to laugh at the top of his lungs. "Muhahahaha! This is a little thing called karma! Now you will know the pain of having to buy stuff at unreasonable prices!"

Gerome spoke up. "Actually, I can fix this. Minerva, come to me!" The female wyvern came to her master as commanded. Minerva was also wearing a Walmart shirt. Gerome took a sewing needle and some thread from a satchel on his wyvern. He quickly went to work and stitched up the hole in the bag. Everyone was surprised.

"I-I can't believe it! You fixed it! I can use it again! I can save my money! I can't thank you enough, Gerome!" Anna gave Gerome a clearly unwanted hug. "I didn't know you can sew."

"….Sewing is a hidden skill of mine", muttered Gerome.

"And what were you saying about karma, Walhart?"

"Bah, whatever. But why is that wyvern in here? I thought animals weren't allowed inside."

"Minerva is a Walmart employee. She gives kids rides for 50 gold", explained Severa.

"And she does an excellent job! Don't you, Minervykins? You're such a cutie-poo!" squealed Gerome.

Everyone stared at Gerome. The mask wearing young man blushed. "…..Uhhh, so what did you guys want?"

"I need to buy a new WolfBerg. Any idea where one is?" questioned Walhart.

"I definitely know we sell them here, but I'm not sure where", said Gerome.

Anna was busy putting all her stuff back in her bag except for a mask. "Hey, I just remembered that I wanted to return this. Where is the customer service counter anyway?"

"It's right behind you! Can't you read?" Severa said as she pointed to the counter a few feet behind them.

"Oh ok thanks! Let's go, Walhart!"

"Don't boss me around!"

* * *

Walhart and Anna made their way to the customer service counter where they spotted Kjelle training with a broom. The pair chose to dismiss this sight since it was a normal occurrence to see her training. However, they were starting to get impatient.

"Hey!" Anna yelled. She was ignored.

"Heeeeey!" No response. Anna thought of a clever idea.

"Hey! Listen!" yelled Anna as high pitched as possible. Kjelle turned around at an alarmingly fast speed.

"What was that?! That annoying fairy better not be in this dimension!" Kjelle said threateningly.

"Actually, she's not! I made that sound to get your attention!" Anna explained happily.

"Well you've got my attention…what do you want? I need to get back to my training", Kjelle said sternly.

"I would like to return this mask" said Anna. Kjelle glared at the mask in the merchant's hand. "Umm, is there a problem?"

"Yes there is. A true warrior doesn't make returns! They take their time buying their items and if they made a mistake, they would simply keep it and accept their purchase failure!" bellowed Kjelle.

Anna and Walhart simply stared in disbelief. "…All she wanted to do was return the blasted mask!" said Walhart incredulously. Kjelle turned her rage towards the ex-conqueror.

"So you agree with her poor decision and lack of honor? Do you think it's foolish of me to try to instill some shopping pride within her? Is it because I'm a woman?!"

"….."

"It is because I'm a woman!" The knight jumped over the counter and pointed her broom at Walhart. "Fight with me!"

Anna stepped in. "Hey! Relax!" Anna pushed the hot tempered girl back from Walhart. "It looks like violence is on sale today! I'll keep the item, so there's no need to fight right now." Anna said reasonably. Kjelle backed down and Walhart was touched by Anna's rescue.

"Wow….that has to have been the nicest thing you have done for me. My gratitude" Walhart said.

"Oh it's no problem! I just didn't want to waste a fight that could attract millions of paying customers!" Anna said with bullion in her eyes.

"*Sigh*", Walhart turned his attention to Kjelle. "Do you know where I would be able to purchase a WolfBerg?"

"No, I don't, but if you ask around I'm sure someone here will know where one is. Now go away. Both of you disgust me". Kjelle leaped back over the counter and continued with her training again.

"Ok! Have a nice day!" Anna chimed.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"...Well then, let's continue our journey through this Walmart, although I feel like I'm gonna have a serious headache at the end of this trip." Walhart and Anna continued their journey to find a WolfBerg in Walmart.

* * *

**The third is chapter done and I have kept my promise! Walhart and Anna have entered the store and some of the Shepherds work at Walmart! There shall be more characters and more insanity to come! So stay tuned! And just to clarify, Walhart and Anna aren't a couple. They are companions throughout this story. I will tell you about the couples when they appear. Thanks for reading and please review! Bye humans! **


End file.
